An Ode for .. Matt Doocey

The Psychopathology of Everyday Gumboots
Minister of Mental Health Doocey walks into the counselling session.
A shadowy figure in gumboots behind a cloud of cigar smoke
Motions to the couch.
“Welcome,” says Legendary Viennese Psychoanalyst, Sigmund King. 
“What seems to be the problem?”
“I have this friend,” begins Minister Doocey, 
“But he only wants to be my friend when he wants something.” 
“Aha – a transactional relationship,” murmurs Dr Sigmund.
“And I feel that I may have enabled his behaviour, 
By encouraging it and ignoring the warning signs,” 
Continues Minister Doocey. 
“Mmm – a classic sign of co-dependency!” 
Notes Dr Sigmund, nodding vigorously.
“And what’s worse,” says Minister Doocey,
“He has demanded I stop talking to my other friends 
As he is the only one who can sort out my life!” 
“Amazing,” says Dr Sigmund, 
“The textbook definition of a controlling messiah complex.”
“So what do I do, Doc?” Wonders Minister Doocey out loud.
“My suggestion is the booze cure!” 
Says Dr Sigmund, with a forceful determination.
Minister Doocey blinks.
“Booze cure – you mean stop drinking alcohol?” 
“No, you imbecile,”
Says the Legendary Viennese Psychoanalyst Sigmund King. 
“I mean swilling it down by the barrel! Does wonders for the nerves.”
“Thanks, I think,” says Minister Doocey.
The Legendary Viennese Psychoanalyst lights up another cigar.
“Time’s up,” says Doctor Sigmund. 
“I hope you got something out of your two complimentary sessions.” 
“Will I be seeing you for follow up?” 
Asks Minister Doocey hopefully.
“Highly unlikely,” says Doctor Sigmund, 
Firmly closing the thick oak door in Minister Doocey’s face.
The Minister feels a tap on his the shoulder.
A well-dressed receptionist
Hands him a piece of paper on a solid gold tray 
Embedded with rubies and emeralds. 
“Is this my diagnosis?” Asks Minister Doocey eagerly. 
“You could say,” replies the Receptionist. 
Minister Doocey scans the page: 
It is an invoice for $24 million dollars.